Dear Friends,
Although many of us, if not most of us, are yearning to get back to ‘normal’ so to speak, as I mentioned a few weeks ago, the normal we used to know is no more. Those of us who are grieving understand this, or are coming to understand it, in a profoundly personal and painful way. It’s no surprise either that many of us may be experiencing some hesitation in the midst of our yearning. There may be something inside us resisting to return; after all, we are returning to a place where many people simply don’t understand how profound our loss was and still is. We may fear that they will be going about all the things they missed so much with haste, leaving us behind in our sorrow. “We would rather grieve than fight the battle of coping with new situations,” as Granger Westberg would say. “We are more comfortable in our grief than in the new unpredictable world.” (Good Grief, p. 69) It is certainly okay to feel these things; it’s important to acknowledge them as well. More people may understand than we think, and if they don’t, then find another friend who does. What we need right now are relationships that are nurturing not depleting. This is part of our self-care. Be assured when we do eventually venture out there that there will be other and new experiences in life that can be meaningful and even joyful again. Please do not discard that possibility for yourself; in doing so, you would be giving into the ‘stinkin thinkin’ voice of grief, as I call it. And so, as Rabbi Joshua Liebman said: “We must seek out other artists of the spirit, new friends who will gradually help us to find the road to life again, and who will walk that road with us.”
I thought it was awesome, generous and brilliant that Angie sent us out that gift of the course in how to confidently emerge from quarantine this past week. She is one of those “artists of the spirit” that Liebman was talking about. If you missed that email, please let us know so that we can send you the link again. It is unfortunately true that when we step out, we will be taking our grief with us. It may be possible, however, that we will find that this quarantined experience has in a sense ‘taught’ us how to do just that. In grief, it seems, that we are always learning how to cope and survive. It never ceases to amaze me to watch how we learn to adapt; how we can in fact grieve profoundly and eventually find great joy again. We are indeed resilient. So, please continue to take good care of yourselves with patience and gentleness.
Peace & Serenity, Kevin