A Stephy’s Place Reflection October 2026 Kevin J. Keelen
As the summer fades into the quiet darkness of autumn, it’s like experiencing an annual ritual as our hemisphere prepares for winter, and even though it happens every year, it’s always a bit surprising. “Acknowledging that someone we loved has died is a process, not an event,” says Dr. Alan Wolfelt, who also says that the first essential need of those who mourn is to recognize the reality of the loss. This may take weeks, months, or for some who can get stuck on the tracks, years. For this reason, funerals, celebrations of life, and memorial ceremonies can serve an important purpose in grief. Rituals of all kinds can hold a profound and irreplaceable space in our mourning and help with this first step toward healing.
Every week, I perform funeral services for all denominations at several funeral homes in our area, and in every instance these painful rituals hold great value for those left behind. Across every era and culture, when a life ends, we gather to acknowledge that passing, not merely out of tradition, but a deep psychological and emotional need. Even elephants gather to mourn their losses, because like us, they need to mourn.
Certainly the loss of someone can leave us feeling as though the world has stopped, while everything else keeps moving. A ritual of some kind can help our brain to process what the heart often struggles to accept. This is a very painful and extremely slow movement for the reality of the loss to move from our head to our heart. It’s a long, strange trip for sure. When we feel lost in grief, funerals can sometimes provide spiritual meaning and solace as well as communal support and love. They also can provide a moment to pause and tell the story of a life, to honor their impact and memory. Rituals can take an infinite number of forms, they don’t have to be big or elaborate, in fact some may be very private and personal, but they all serve a purpose in our mourning.
Sometimes, when someone shares with me that they feel stuck in grief, I find out that they never had or attended any kind of funeral or service, or they were so out of it during the funeral that it did little for their grief. I always encourage them, regardless of the amount of time that has passed, to consider something, even if it’s private or simple. Rituals of all kinds can help to begin the delicate work of transitioning from experiencing someone in the present to holding them in memory.
For over 3,000 years, in many Latin cultures, as October comes to an end and November begins, they celebrate El Dia de los Muertos, or the Day of the Dead, which is a vibrant, traditional, joyful, celebration of life and memory. The ancient Aztecs viewed death as a natural, continuous part of the life cycle and they believed that at this time of year the barrier between the spirit world and the physical world opens up, allowing connection and celebration with those on the other side. This annual permission to mourn provides for abundant healing.
With the holidays fast approaching, there’s an opportunity to think about how we may want to incorporate our loved ones’ memory into our celebrations. It’s an opportunity to create our own personal rituals to help us to connect, remember, and celebrate the fact that they were and are a part of us always.